What a Week!!

this past week has been filled with so many milestones, events, and sicknesses in our house its unreal! i am so exhausted! the start of last week i was terribly sick with a head cold. not just any head cold...but the worst! i was in bed as much as i could be with 3 kids and a hardworking hubby! thankfully (so far) chris is the only one who managed to be contaminated by my gross germs. and he is still battling it!

but that didnt stop our week from progressing into a better light! tuesday my little Khloe had her 9 month well visit. i always dread them. i hate hearing how behind she is. what milestones she should be reaching and what she  should weigh...but this time went surprisingly well. maybe because i had already prepared myself for the worst going. i know khloe is tiny. i know she is 'delayed' physically. i know NOT to read the milestone sheets...so going in with no expectations makes things SO much better when things go differently. I always hate going into the exam room and hearing "ok can you please undress khloe and put her on the scale" i cringe. I know Khloe eats...actually probably more than most kids her age. shes nothing short of a savage when she devours her food. especially when its carrots...those poor carrots never stand a chance. but for some reason khloe just doesnt get bigger. she had dropped down to the 10% for weight at her 6 month visit...which really upset me. the doctor assured me it was because there was simply limited muscle in her body and muscle weighs more...but still..i felt horrible. soo when the nurse asked me to put her on the scale..i felt the tears welling up in my eyes..i gave her a big old raspberry on her belly and placed my tiny little girl on the scale...and the numbers came up-- 15.8 pounds!!!! yay!! Khloe has finally packed on some pounds! she moved up to the 25% for weight..i was smiling from ear to ear!! while waiting for the doctor to come in--we played a couple rounds of patty-cake and this little piggy and laughed and smiled..and i loved all over my little love bug. i know shes doing well...but i sometimes feel like i need to convince the doctors and therapists that she is too. i know they see her progress...but i feel the need to make it extra known. i think thats just the mother in me. so when her pediatrician came in he had this shocked look on his face..and he just looked at me and smiled and said...Holy cow look at those legs!!! he knew they had gotten bigger, and stronger, and FINALLY some muscle! i didnt have to point it out, or try to prove it to him...he knew! after her exam and talking about what the specialists were saying and all that jazz-he said to me the difference in khloe from six months to now was like night and day...she has come so far! what an amazing feeling. i cant put into words how that felt. reassuring doesnt quite cover it.

later that night we had a PT session...khloe was in a rotten mood...and threw a full on temper tantrum the whole time. so we did as much as we could with her....but she didnt want to have to do any work..she just wanted her toys and to be left alone..she got up on all fours to crawl but to no avail. she did this a couple of times before i asked the PT how much longer she thought before khloe got her confidence up and what we could do to help her feel secure enough to make that first move...as i was saying that..she took 2 little crawls and fell over! we were both shocked. i think khloe was too. the next couple of days were much like that...2 crawls and a fall..but she kept plugging away. and we all cheered her on..every single time. i know people get tired of hearing me brag about little things that khloe does..or when we are out we clap over the smallest of things...i mean all 5 of us cheer (she cheers for herself) but i feel like when she hears us cheering, or knows we are proud, she feels it in her soul. she knows we love her and are proud of even the smallest of things. i feel like that keeps her going. maybe its all in my head..but its what i chose to believe. i mean seriously- this family could put a cheerleading squad to shame! a few days later....Khloe crawled completely across the living room! she hasnt stopped since. her left leg turns in a lot. but she is VERY conscious of it. and will completely put her right leg over top of her left (hard to explain without seeing it for yourself) so that she doesnt get caught up. and let me tell you...that little stinker is QUICK! she moves!

there was still one more thing we waited for. i am sure most of you have no idea what its like waiting to see if your child will ever walk.  all parents wait for that milestone. its a big one. one of the biggest. ok...maybe the biggest. so when you are told your child may never walk its life changing. my son (better known as moose) is borderline autistic. he has a high functioning version of autism. he has his quirks. he has his routines. and he is delayed without a doubt speech wise. but he is one of the smartest kids i know. he is also clumsy and lazy..and a typical boy who jumps off of things...falls..all of you with a boy know what i mean. i remember the day after hearing khloe may never walk--we were on our way out, and moose takes his sweet old time walking down the stairs. each time he gets down a step its 5 minutes before he makes it down to another..it was snowing that day..and he is also afraid of snow. so he was extra paranoid about it getting on his shoes..i was rushing (as usual) to get everyone in the car before we froze..and there he was taking his time. thinking about each step..and each snow flake. normally i would get annoyed and pick him up and carry him, but that day..i saw the beauty in what he was doing. simply going down the steps. i thought to myself--this may be the last child i teach how to walk down the stairs. since that day...i have seen the beauty in the smallest of things. i cherished the small moments. i realized that no one could give me a definite answer when i asked if khloe would walk. but i wanted to know. i needed to know. i spent weeks praying for a sign. and finally i got tired of wondering. of worrying. of crying. i embraced the fact that this may never happen and thats fine.  shes still ok. there are so many other people with much harder things to conquer than this. i accepted it. i accepted that though khloe may never walk, its not the end of the world. shes still capable of anything anyone else is. so we continued to focus on her sitting, and her crawling...and her smile and just being with her. we shared the news with lexi..and showed moose and lexi how to help her 'work out'-- we found joy in PT and just learning different things about how our bodies work, and how to do things differently to help khloe. we learned how strong of a family we are. how much love we have to offer. and just when things were going great, and khloe started crawling, we were busy cheering for that MAJOR milestone...khloe stood herself up. thats the answer we were waiting for. khloe will walk. we were assured that if she can stand herself up and bare her own weight, she will walk.

i am so thankful for my faith. for a restored faith. i count my blessings all the time. i have learned to count the smallest of things as blessings. my children have helped me see the world differently. i see the world through the eyes of a pure diva (lexi...if you know her you will understand that she is all things that i am not...girly, pink, poofy,frilly,sparkley..and so on) i see the world through an autistic child's eyes ( i see the beauty in routine, taking my time, patience, and every little quirk that moose has) and i see the world through the eyes of   a child with CP ( i see the beauty in determination, again patience, and the smallest of small things) i could not have asked for better children. i know i am suppose to teach them, but right now i am having the best time learning from them.

 thank you god for this family. for my kids, and my husband. thank you for a mother that picks me up and dries my tears, who helps me carry on when i feel i cant. for sending me a man who can finally deal with me (*laughs*) and children who have shown me your face when i lost sight of it. i am a blessed woman.  what more can i ask for? simply nothing.


2 Samuel 7:29 (NIV)
Now be pleased to bless the house of your servant, that it may continue forever in your sight; for you, O Sovereign LORD, have spoken, and with your blessing the house of your servant will be blessed forever."