Khloe Update!!!

Yesterday was an all around beautiful day. It wasnt just valentines day, but also Khloe's first visit (of many to come) to the neurologist. I was so mixed with emotions yesterday morning, but the one emotion that i did not feel, for the first time in weeks, was scared. It could just be that this is all settling in, or maybe i am a little numb, but i truly think its because i have put so much faith in God. I know i cannot change whatever caused Khloe to have CP, and i do not want to. This is who my Lord intended her to be. He does not make mistakes. he created her perfectly for me. for this family. and even better, he created her in HIS OWN image. what could be more perfect? There were times yesterday where i felt God carrying me. The drive up was wonderful. long but wonderful. chris and i were alone (well...khloe is quiet so it feels like we are alone) and thats something that hasnt happened in probably over a year. we got to talk-and just enjoy each other. of course we love our 2 oldest children, but i cannot say how nice it was to have that mental break!! amazing!! i felt calm. for the first time in a couple of months, i didnt hurt, or cry like i normally would. i was ok. i felt sure of everything. i felt god. filling out the paperwork, chris looked over at me and said "I cant believe we are really here.." its very surreal sitting in a neurologists office with your 9month old. its not something you would ever expect to have to do. but again, i was at ease. when Dr. Roseman (who prefers to be called Bruce) came out to get us, i felt fine. i was ok.  chris was ok. we talked to the doctor, he talked to Khloe, he played with her, examined her, and there were a few things he was concerned about. but he didnt alarm us. he was the greatest doctor chris and i have ever met. so reassuring. he never pointed out anything bad, or that she wasnt doing, but focused on all she was able to do. he was beyond happy that she is progressing above average with her language (making vowel sounds, saying different letter sounds, and engaging with us) and also thrilled that when he pointed to something, she knew to look, which most children dont learn until well after a year!! these were great signs!! We learned that Khloe's CP is only affecting her physically. We still dont know, and wont until it happens, if she will walk. but we know, because he promised us, she will be fine.   This man was amazing. he went out of his way to call the evaluation team in front of us, to tell them that his findings didnt agree with theirs, and that she is not delayed emotionally or socially. he had a revised copy sent from them to us, her ped, and himself. he got her into the ophthalmologist faster. we could not have asked for a better doctor. we did tell him that...and his response was " you both are trusting me with Khloe, thats not something i take lightly, i will do all that i can to show you i am worthy of your trust"...i wish every doctor was like him.

He did reinstate that Khloe does have Cerebral Palsy. He is very concerned with her eyes...as she is going slightly blind in her left eye. well--more than slightly. shes not seeing out of her left eye. She has asymmetric development, meaning the left side of her is developing slower than her right side. this could be caused by a an issue in her brain...she needs to have an ultrasound of her brain. i called today because i wanted to know EXACTLY what they were looking for, which is something called  PVL (PARAVENTRICULAR LEUKAMALAYSIA) if you are unsure of what that is you can read about it here: http://www.childrenshospital.org/az/Site1434/mainpageS1434P0.html

i was and am at ease with this, a woman who i met, her daughter shares the same diagnosis as Khloe, and though she older than Khloe, their similarities are unreal! when speaking with her last night she told me her daughter had a PVL...and i know, without a doubt , her daughter has surpassed all of the doctors and therapists expectations, and that is an inspiration. so i know Khloe will be ok. this is not something we cannot handle. we also have to have her thyroid tested and she needs a CPK test. CPK test will show if she has brain damage due to a brain injury, and because this ISNT something that happened while i was pregnant, the neurologist feels its something that could have happened at the hospital. within a week of Khloe being home she showed early signs of CP.  it will hopefully help us learn what caused this, though we dont really need to know at this point. we just feel its not going to change anything, it cant make her better, or be undone. it is what it is. this is who Khloe was meant to be. we wouldnt have her any other way! We go back on March 22nd to follow up with the tests.. and hopefully we will learn more!

Thank you all for your messages, support, calls and everything yesterday...you all carry us when we cannot carry ourselves. We need all the support we can get at this time in our lives. Khloe feels each one of you. She holds you all in her little heart.

OOOOH BY THE WAY!!! GREAT NEWS we came home yesterday...after a long drawn out day, Khloe was put to bed by her dad, and we heard her screaming and crying, chris went to check on her--i heard this screams--so i panicked and went flying to see what happened --- Khloe went from laying on her back to sitting up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she amazes me! she also started clapping for herself in the past few days!!!  just wanted to share that with all of you!!! thanks again for all of your thoughts and prayers!!