Khloe

Khloe Madison Woods, my baby girl. My light. My strength. My heart and soul. She came into our lives on May 7,2010--although she was scheduled to arrive via c-section on May 10, 2010-my body just had some other plans. My oldest child, Alexis, had a terrible stomach virus that began on May 3rd. She was vomiting, running a fever and lethargic. Being a mother, my natural instinct was to comfort her, and hold her, let her vomit on me. Anything to help her. The very next day she was up and running again. I was sick. I couldnt hold any fluids down, I was running a fever, achy and contracting from dehydration. My husband was not able to stay home, so he went to work, by 10am I was begging him to come home. When he got here, he and my mother were encouraging me to go to the hospital, this was not normal. I had it in my head that it would run its course...after all..i had a section planned for that monday and had FAR too much to do. I didnt have time to sit there, and then be sent home after hours of nothing. So i waited a few more hours, my contractions became almost unbearable. Chris kept telling me something was wrong. He knew it. After much fighting, I went to the hospital. I was admitted upon arrival because my kidneys were going into failure from dehydration, and my liver was not functioning. BUT they were still persistant on just holding me there until monday. I was secluded in the maternity section, stuck on moniters, left at one point to wet my bed, i was frustrated and alone. Because there was no baby yet, my husband couldnt be with me overnight, my kids couldnt visit, i couldnt leave the room because i was a risk for infecting other mothers and babies. So that started my journey. Ambien helped me sleep ,tylanol controled the fever, liquids controled the contractions, and some magical anti-puke meds helped me eat. And there i sat....bored. On Thursday the 6th my doctor told me he would be in later in the night to talk to me about doing a section early. To my dismay...and probably to my nurses, as i am sure i was super mean, he never showed. Friday morning, he never showed, so i pulled my IV out...headed down the hall, asked for a band aid and told them i was discharding myself. Why should i sit there if i could do the same thing at home? i have too much to do.  i  had to be ready for my section on monday. i had to see my kids. i had to. my nurse, who was new in the rotation calmed me down, walked me back to my room, talked to me, put my IV back in...and said she would get answers on why i was being kept. 10 minutes later a woman in scrubs came in, "Mrs. Woods? call your husband...he needs to be here in 1 hour...its time for your section!" yeah i was surprised... no one had told me.. imediatly i call chris, mom, dad, Judy, Joanne, everyone.. an hour and a half later-

 there she was. Khloe Madison Woods, 7 pounds 6 ounces and 18 inches long. Pure beauty. Perfection. I know every parent says their kid is perfect, but she truly is. Of course at the time, i couldnt really focus. Turns out i had not only the kidney, and liver issues but pre-enclampsia and toximia as well. So she needed to come out asap. She was a healthy healthy baby girl. Aptgar scores were perfect. Delivery, perfect. Health, perfect. Hearing and vision, perfect. Newborn screening, perfect. You could not have asked for better results. Fast forward to 5 months old. I go to a normal well visit. Asked the normal questions. My dr says she should be doing more. Thats never what you want to hear. ever. So i was devastated. He tells me she has no muscle in her lower body, that her vaccines cannot be given in her legs because they need to be injected into muscle. So we go to her tiny arms. This making me only allow them to give her 1 shot per visit, because its just too painful. I am again given the number to early intervention (we used them with Moose) I walked out feeling like i had failed. again. Why cant i teach my children? Why do i keep having to look elsewhere for help? I put it off, for as long as i could, a month, until i realized Khloe is NOT getting better.  I call. They came out yesterday to evaluate her.  To my surprise, she has Cerebral Palsy. Most will ask how they can tell this without testing. They tested. The tests for CP are not blood tests, or xrays, but an observation of your muscle movements, fine and gross motor skills, and how you are adapting to your environment. Naturally when i heard this, my world ended. I saw people talking, but there was no sound. I saw movement, but i was frozen. I felt NOTHING. NOTHING. i choked. I went numb. My brain felt numb. Cerebral Palsy? what the hell is that?  My baby is perfect. So I called everyone i needed to, prayed, said it a million times, every time i said it, i became sick, numb, stumbled on the words.  I had to choke them out. My throat would dry up. I felt horrible. Chris spent some time alone, crying, praying, and decided not to tell his family yet. I turned to everyone for support. But once everyone was asleep, once everything was quiet. The numbness was gone. I felt like a cannon was shot threw my chest.   I sobbed. I cried a cry that i myself had only heard 1 other time, and that was at a friends funeral. It was a cry i said i would never forget. It was a bellow, from her soul, a painful, aching, cry. Last night, i became that parent. I felt that feeling, not of losing a child, but of pain, uncontrollable pain, that you cant fix. Pain that comes from your soul, the core of your being. My husband, is GOD sent. i promise you that. I could not have had a better person to be in this with. Not one person walking this earth understands my exact feelings, other than him. Because Khloe is ours, and ours alone. You can sympathize, but you dont know. He was so strong for me. Then I would become strong for him. In  almost 5 years of marriage, THAT was the most intimate time we have shared. There was no psychical intimacy, just emotional. The closeness that we share is unreal. The ability to help and lean on one another is more than i ever expected. I have never been more in love with this man. I thought i couldnt love him anymore, but i was wrong. Today has been ok. I have had ups and downs, and will continue to do so. I can feel the numbness come and go. I cannot stress how amazing my family & friends and my facebook family have been. I have gotten so many messages, well wishes, thoughts, prayers, encouragement, you name it. I thank god for Khloe, and for allowing chris and myself to be her parents. For allowing me to learn more about CP. For opening doors for me. For closing doors in font of me, because that will make me work harder to open those doors. I am thankful for this handicap because this is going to be where my girl *SHINES*  oddly i was thinking this morning... Lexi was named Sheepy, Chris was Moose...Khloe is Khlo-Mighty. From the day we came home...thats what i have called her...funny hunh? subconsciously i knew how brave and mighty she is, and will be.  This family is bound for great things. I am, and I will be, even when all of you get sick of hearing/seeing it, THE PROUDEST PARENT OF A CHILD WITH CP!!!!! I will be her biggest advocate, her best friend, her strength and her light...and you know whats better than that? She will be all of that for me. Because we freaking ROCK!

This is Khloe at 7 months old- she is 13 pounds and 26 inches!