Birthdays & Confessions

wow! its been a long while since i have been able to blog! but i am back...and have so much to share. hopefully i remember everything in this post =)

Happy 1st Birthday Khloe' Madison Woods

since i last posted so many great things have happened. first being Khloe blew out 1 candle on her birthday cake! she hit a year old!!! it was such a bittersweet day. as i am sure i have previously shared chris and i will not be having any more children. we do hope that we will be able to adopt a child in a few years-god willing. so watching khloe move through the crowed of people who were so nice enough to come celebrate this special day with us was very emotional. watching her smash her cake and knowing that this is the last time i will put a single candle on a cake was very overwhelming for me. i kept giving myself continuous reminders to breathe deep and every time i wanted to cry i reminded myself to look away and relax. this is my 3rd baby...a first birthday never gets easier. i cry at every one. im such a mush. we had an AMAZING turn out...55 people showed up at the park to celebrate with Khloe & enjoyed her butterfly theme. i love themed parties. im corny like that. i love themes. i cannot get enough. i think somewhere i missed my calling as a party or wedding planner..i love planning. i love details. i love organizing. its just my thing. and i must say..im fantastic at it. i carefully picked each theme of each of my children's birthdays...and khloe's first birthday was no different. butterflies. not because they are pretty. or girly. or because i liked that pattern. but because to me khloe is like a butterfly. you see, when she was first diagnosed with cerebral palsy our minds went to the worst place. our hearts sank. we were filled with hurt/frustration/pain/guilt/sorrow... i mean so many emotions that no one will ever understand until you hear that something is 'wrong' with your child. in our darkest hour...in a time where no one could help us feel better...khloe spread her wings. she showed us how to fly. how to rise above and soar. i am proud to say since 1/11/11 when khloe was diagnosed this family has overcome so much. we dont back down from a challenge anymore..we rise to the occasion. we thrive off challenges.  khloe has given this family wings. she has shown us what family is about. how strong we are. and that is why butterfly was so suiting for khloe.  her big sister lexi picked out her cake...which was of course not with the butterfly theme...but tinkerbell...which works for me because tink has wings too! the weather was perfect, food was fabulous, and the day went smooth. seriously, we are blessed to have such great friends and family.  i dont think they will ever know how much they mean to us.

Khloe', her daddy & big sister Lexi blowing out her candles!

i happen to have some more amazing news....KHLOE IS WALKING!!!! well....khloe is actually walking, hopping, running, tumbling, and chasing anything she can! she is on the move...so watch out world!! i cannot explain how amazing a feeling this was. it came at such an amazing time in our lives....you know i have to admit something to you. its horrible to have to say this...but the truth is, part of me feels like i somewhat failed as a parent. when you have a child with a diagnosis like khloe's (or any medical diagnosis) i think it becomes so easy to get caught up in that diagnosis. in therapy. in medical terms. in appointments. in the whole process...and sometimes you forget that this child is just a child. i am guilty of that. i became obsessed with CP. with treatments. doctors. therapy. with the what-if's and the maybe's. some times i would lose focus and forget that this is my baby...and i have to still allow her to be a baby. shes not going to want to do PT every time. shes not going to want to sit and focus on pincer grasp for an hour, or practice her gait, or weight balance all the time. there are times (more times than less) that she just wants to play, and have fun, or nap longer, or be silly. its so easy to forget to allow those things and become so obsessed with getting your child to where the world or doctors feel they should be. you forget to just let your child be. i realized this about a month and a half ago. after my laptop kicked the bucket and i could no longer google every little thing. i couldnt google her gait. or why her feet were doing these weird turning things, or why she isnt able to use a spoon or fork. simple things. weight gain, milestones...different PT methods...i couldnt google. i was a mess. what would i do without google? because after all in my head the world CANNOT survive without google. let me just say...google was the worst addiction i have ever had. once it was taken away and i couldnt over analize everything...or listen to horror stories...i began to let MY instints take over. not the advice of a doctor. or google. I let my mommy instincts run wild. you know what they told me? to sit on the floor and play. just like i had (and still do) done with Lexi and Chris. just play. i allowed her to go in her favorite johnny jumper which the PT forbid. she loved it. after 20 minutes she was ready for a nap. i forgot all the therapy methods, i threw out google advice and most of all i put anything negative so far out of my mind. you know what happened soon after? khloe took steps. 2 became 4 then became 20 and now i cannot keep up! this whole time i was worried about the world treating khloe different...i didnt realize that i was treating her different. i wasnt allowing things to just 'be'.  khloe i am happy to report that khloe is perfectly on time with every single milestone. ahead still in her speaking. and is driving her older siblings CRAZY!!! face it--they are just way too cool for her. *laughs*

we are getting ready for vacation at the end of august! i am so excited. this has been a crazy year..and i think time away will do us justice.  i promise to post more..my computer still isnt working but soon should be. i wish i had photos to share however they are on my computer...and im using chris' computer :( but i promise a video and photos soon!!!