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Thankful

  Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you

1 Thessalonians 5:18

So i totally missed my cue to do the november blog challenge and each day list something that i am thankful for =( however it doesnt make me any less thankful for the millions of blessings i have in my life.

lexi had a homework assignment the other day where she had to illistrate a picture of what she was most thankful for this year. each year we always talk about things we are thankful for, but this is the very first year she understands fully what being thankful is. her homework assignment got me thinking..what am i MOST thankful for this year? i am thankful everyday for millions of little things..the air in my lungs, another day with my crazy kids, a husband who loves me, friends that stick by me, family that loves me, extended family that loves myself and my kids (and chris too), reconnecting with friends...but what is it that i am most MOST thankful for this year? so many choices...

this year was very trying for us-Khloe was diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy, Chris got very sick and then had a terrible reaction to the medicine he was on, we lost Hank who was a very amazing part of chris' life and who has done phenomenal things for our family, i was diagnosed with hypothyroidism & Crohn's Disease which has been an uphill battle, my mom was having health issues which landed her taking chemo drugs (she is no longer taking them THANK GOD) --then learned she had some slipped discs in her back which will ultimatly result in surgery, a person in my extended family was diagnosed with cancer ontop of the parkinsons disease he already had. a special little girl in my extended family at 3 years old had to undergo surgery for a tumor found on her leg (thankfully she is ok)...plus countless battles with school germs that lexi has now blessed us with =)and  a million other things that i am sure i forgot to mention.

its so easy to get caught up in all the things that have gone sour... but there was one thing that happened this year..that showed us that sometimes the blessing in a situation may not be so obvious-- you may need to search a little..it may take some time..but the blessing is always there.

January 11th was a day that we will never forget. 11 years ago on Jaunuary 11,2000 my mom, dad, myself and younger brother johnny welcomed a new addition to our family..my youngest brother Thomas Jay. my parents both being 38 at the time..me being 16 and johnny being 8 were quite surprised that our family was getting ready to grow again. though TJ was a huge surprise..he proves to be one of the biggest blessings this family has had. Each day i grow prouder of him. this year TJ was set to turn 11 years old on 1/11/11 we all thought that this was pretty neat..how many times do you get a birthday and your age with all the same digits? I remember this day so clearly..the lotto drawing was set to be during the 11pm hour.. chris and i were taking this as a sign that we were MEANT to play...so we got a lotto ticket..

on that same day..at 11am Khloe had an evaluation. she was 8 months old, unable to roll, hold her head up, sit up, she was basically still like a newborn baby. chris and i knew this was not typical so we decided to take the doctors advice and have a team of therapists and a nuero therapist come to evaluate her.  i can remember the clock striking 11..we were already about 10 minutes into our evaluation since they showed up early. i remember thinking to myself that i looked at the clock at 11:11 am on 1/11/11 on my brothers 11th birthday...there was no need to be scared of these results because clearly im lucky today. i watched a team of professionals play with khloe..take notes but there was one lady that my eyes kept wandering back to. she was a heavy set lady. with the sweetest voice. khloe for some reason focused on her as well. she had a necklace on that had an ichthus on it ( ichthus is a christian symbol-it is an empty fish which signifies Christianity). i had spoke with my mom prior to this and i was very nervous. i knew, in my heart, that something was different about khloe. she told the story of when i was little- her and my father had taken me for a cardiac catheter ( i think i was a year or 2 old). i had a hole in my heart that had not closed, a heart murmur and an enlarged heart. she told me that she was so terrified waiting for me in the waiting room. it was one of the hardest things my parents had ever had to do. she said suddenly she had this feeling..like a whisper from GOD, and she knew i was ok. she was calmed by the feeling. shortly after- they received the news that i was not going to need open heart surgery! she told me that morning to listen for GODs whisper. he would tell me everything was going to be ok. i never heard his whisper that day.

shortly after the evaluation was finished the therapists and neurologist was ready to give their results.  the speech therepist went first.. khloe was cooing and babbling as she should. her speech was fine. she said some other things..i dont remember much-just feeling relieved. next came the heavy set lady... she stood up off of the living room floor and sat on the couch across from me. i knew it wasnt good. she looked at me and started telling me that khloe was showing atypical movements, that she was fluctuating her muscle tone from high to low, she displayed frog legs, she had limited amount of muscle throughout her body, i mean the list just went on and on and on. she then looked over at the nuerologist who said she was confident that khloe had cerebral palsy-----------the room faded---------the sound disappeared as if someone hit a mute button-----

i remember the heavy set lady having tears in her eyes. she wouldnt look me in the face. im not sure what else was said...i just remember a numb feeling. somehow they left. i stood in my living room, looking at my husband, and i was numb. completely numb. we both cried uncontrollably. it was a cry that i will never forget. it sounded like our souls were being torn out of us. it was a pain that came from the pit of our stomachs. still, to this day, as i write this, i feel that pain. i still need to take breaks while trying to write this because the feelings are so real. imagine being punched so hard in the stomach...the kind of punch that completely knocks the wind out of you..a completely unexpected punch. it felt nothing like that...it was a million times worse. for everytime in my life i thought i had a broken heart--clearly i was wrong. this was a broken heart. i remember hearing them say she may never walk. the words were deafening. painful. scary. mind blowing. like nothing we had ever heard before....

the next couple of weeks were a blur...funny thing is we still only remember bits and pieces of the weeks that followed. but in those weeks we found something we may never have found had we not had heard those words 'cerebral palsy' we found strength. we re-found our love, this time stronger. we found god. we found our family values. we found out who was there for us when we needed them. we made new friends. we learned. it was like our eyes had been opened for the first time ever. THEN i heard the whisper. i felt it. i knew Khloe was going to be fine. even if she didnt walk..she would be fine.

as the months passed khloe began hitting her milestones. she began to walk. jump. run. climb. sing. screem. talk. roll. flip. feed herself...i can go on and on... while she still has great difficulty with some things she has overcome the unthinkable. she has such determination and will that i know this little girl is going to be someone BIG! khloe was made to do great things.  khloe was made to move mountains.

so this year...i am thankful for January 11th. i am thankful for the surprises that day has brought to my family. i am here to tell you that 1/11/11 at 11 am on my brothers 11th birthday was the luckiest day of my life...because on that day we learned HOW to live. we were no longer just existing...but living. counting the blessings that go overlooked everyday. seeing blessings in the worst situations.  we learned about our love...we werent just in love but now we understood our love and all of its capabilities. so we did hit the lotto that day...but our winnings will never run out. <3 I thank GOD for that day <3



*i should also say that on 1/11/2006 and 1/11/2008 i found out i was pregnant with alexis then chris jr =) *

oh and lexi was most thankful for her dad and her cat on her homework assignment!