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“Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are.”
- Bernice Johnson Reagon (American Historian & Musician)
“People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.”
I was never one to be fond of challenges. I like simplicity.I like knowing the outcome. i like predictable things. i like being in control. I have learned so much in these past few months, it has changed me. i now rise up to a challenge. i beg for the opportunity to be challenged. its great exercise for the mind. it leaves your soul feeling refreshed once you have hopped over hurdles, danced in the rain, and proved people wrong. its reviving. i now like surprise. i like not knowing. because it causes you to work harder to get the ending that YOU want. if you already know the outcome wont be to your liking-you are less likely to accept a challenge. Thank you Lord for all of the challenges, obstacles, rain storms, and all out wars you have blessed this family with. They have simply changed us. strengthened us. We have learned to dance in the rain! We are ever so grateful for the challenges the Lord has given us.
The saying goes "what doesnt kill you , makes you stronger"...and i do believe that. whole heartedly.
“A desire can overcome all objections and obstacles.”
Yesterday we had a doctor appointment in westchester with the neurologist. something about the ride is always relaxing. maybe its just the quiet time (Lexi and Moose hang with grandpa when we go). The fresh air always smells better, the sun beaming through the windows is always brighter. Maybe its just the Lord carrying us. Letting us know that he is there, holding our hand. whatever it is, the ride is enjoyable.
Yesterday during the ride, i thought about the past couple of months. I thought about when we first heard the words 'Cerebral Palsy' and how earth shattering that was for us. how our world completely stopped for the next few days. i can so vividly remember each emotion felt. I can still feel the ache in my heart. I can picture the tears that rolled so slowly down my husbands face, i can hear the cry of a heartbroken father, feel the fear of a scared mother, the pain of not knowing, and i can-more than anything- remember the glow that never left Khloe's face. I am sure this is a time i will never forget. Still writing about it makes me cry. I sit here reminiscing to that time and the tears stream down my face. But its a different kind of tears now. My tears are not tears of fear, hurt, anger or confusion...these are tears of pure joy. tears of acceptance. tears of bliss, of bravery, of accomplishment. tears of pure satisfaction. Today i cry because i am happy. I know there is no cure for CP. I know Khloe will have this for life. Often times chris & i find it funny when we come back from doctor visits, people will always ask how she is, and how we made out, and if she still has CP! of course she still has it silly! its not a misdiagnoses. i know many are hoping for that, but its not. Chris and i have learned to accept this, and we just more than anything want everyone else to understand, this is just a part of who Khloe is. we dont want the Lord to change her, we dont pray that he changes her, we just pray for wisdom, knowledge and strength when things become overwhelming. We pray for Khloe to have the ability to overcome obstacles. We hope that one day the world will view special needs people differently than they do now. Because although WE accept Khloe and embrace her differences, not everyone is like us. Often times i think about Khloe going to school, or just growing up in general, and one of my biggest fears is that other children will pick on her, make fun of her for being different, or call her names. it scares me to death. shakes me to my core. i become so enraged when i think about it. I know i cannot change the way the world views things, but i hope one day, everyone will understand its ok to be different.
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| Khloe LOVES to climb on the furniture like her Big sister & Big brother! |
Our doctor visit went well. Khloe showed Dr. Roseman her skillz (hahaha)! she crawled, sat, and pulled herself up, clapped her hands, copied words we were saying (momma, dada, baba, no, wow, hi) and impressed him so greatly that he saw no need to do an MRI with sedation. He feels that Khloe is doing a fine job of progressing and will not do invasive testing unless her progress slows down or comes to a stop, or unless there is another medical reason to do so. He also explained that he is almost 100% confident that a stroke in her first few days of life caused her to have brain damage resulting in cerebral palsy. So far she has only been limited physically, and seems to even be moving past that. I again asked if she would walk. i know there is no answer to that question, but i am compelled to ask every time. again he told me he cannot and will not attempt to answer that. We are holding onto hope that she will. She puts weight on her legs, pulls herself to stand, and is starting to side step along furniture. with all that said, even if she cant walk on her own..she will be able to walk with a walker! so no matter what... we are hopeful. Khloe made out so well that we dont need to go back to the neurologist for 6 months!! yay!! bi-weekly visits with gas prices as high as they are were proving to be a killer on our bank account!
other great news--Khloe's glasses have arrived! we got the phone call a little while ago. sadly--the snow is keeping us from picking them up...but they are here...and surprisingly FULLY COVERED by the insurgence!
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| “The greater the obstacle, the more glory in overcoming it.” |
i feel like this family has overcome so many different obstacles in the past couple of months. not that khloe's diagnosis was an obstacle..but our feelings were. our feelings at times got the better of us. fear, anxiety, anger, sadness...they at times overwhelmed us. it seems when we chose not just to rise to the occasion, but rise ABOVE it, the lord really blessed us. We put all of our trust in God, which is a hard thing to do. ill be the first to admit it. its hard to trust so deeply and so fully in someone you have never met face to face...its hard to go on blind faith. but we did. and we still do. and that is why this family is capable of doing such great things. i truly, each and every night, see how many blessings i can count from the day. i do mean that. every night. some days i can count more than others, and oddly its the days that are the hardest that i find the most blessings.
the one thing i want to say, that maybe i dont express enough is that i could not have done this without my husband. he is my best accessory. he is my better half. i love each moment i spend with him. he understands, no matter what. all i have to do is look at him, and he knows what is deep in my heart. he has dried so many of my tears, carried me through the hardest days, and stayed up countless nights crying with me. i could not have asked God for a better soul mate. I am blessed.
We Teach our kids to do their best at everything...and to be the best at ANYTHING...you MUST be a Yankee fan!
In the now famous words of Charlie Sheen....This family is WINNING!
