Simple Reminders

"Acceptance doesnt mean giving in or giving up; it means giving all-your hopes,sorrows and worries to God"-Acceptance Thrapy

Its funny how i notice things that i normally wouldnt have noticed before. Ever since we started our new journey, i have learned to take the time to see the smaller things, notice more, and just be more thankful. I find myself watching so many things fall into place. I find myself noticing the Lord working in our lives. Making his presence known. Not that it wasnt known before, but now i notice it more. i feel it. Its been a while since I accepted the Lord. I was in 2nd grade. Harmony Baptist Church had a group for girls called Pioneer Girls. My aunt Judy taught a class there, and she decided one night to bring me. I will never forget that night. I sat in a classroom in Harmony Christian School (which later became where i attended school) and did crafts, read the bible, met new people, and learned about God. I learned what a spiritual life was. My group leaders were Mrs. Nywening and Mrs.Terpstra... I had so many questions for them, and they had so many answers! That day, in that room, with those woman & my new peers, i chose a new life. 

Years later, i attended Harmony. I hated school there. I hated that it was so small. I hated the uniforms. But i must say, i met amazing people. My faith grew. I had amazing teachers. I had great people all around me. at the time i didnt appreciate it though. To this day, the people that i met in Harmony are the most supportive people i have ever met. I have recieved support from teachers,peers and other people who i attended church with. Harmony became more like a family (well most people).  I left Harmony after 9th grade, along with a group of others, and went to Minisink High School. Somewhere between then and now i lost sight of my faith. I never stopped praying, but prayers came when i needed something, and were few and far between. I never stopped believing. i just got a little lost. stumbled off the path a little. 

Khloe's diagnosis put me right back to where i needed to be. It showed me faith again. it taught me how to believe FULLY again. how to get my life back to a point where i now seek the Lord in all that i do. I no longer consult with others for advice, but find myself on my knees, asking the person who knows me best, what i should do. I seek wisdom through him. I have watched my husband's faith be restored.  I have watched him pray more. There is a new vibe in my house. it feels amazing. my marriage has grown even more beautiful. my patience is greater.  

Today, in our travels to fill out more paperwork, i prayed on the car ride that i wouldnt get upset. things are becoming so finalized. obviously because Khloe's medical costs and needs are increasing slowly..but will begin to increase quite rapidly once we begin to figure more things out, we were advised to apply for Medicaid. This way we will be free from copays and any denials for tests..and since she is now disabled, she is able to get it. (before this we paid privately for her insurance, chris job doesnt provide great benefits and they are costly, and we make far too much to get medicaid) we also needed to meet with our ongoing service coordinator, who will be helping us with paperwork and appointments and get khloe everything she needs. i knew today would be upsetting. so i kept praying. and i made it without crying. we headed home, and i felt myself getting upset. i could feel my heart start to ache again. i reached in my mailbox, pulled out a little package...and inside of it were some prayer cards, information on Padre Pio, a book called 'acceptance therapy" and a little prayer book..with a note from a friend, who thought about us enough to go to her church and get information on healing. Thank you so much Carine. Just when i felt that wave of sorrow, i saw this stuff, i read it, which then lead me to research Padre Pio and his beautiful story online, which then reminded me of my faith, and that im not alone. I didnt cry. I was brave. I had faith. God showed himself to me through Carine. 

Normally, before all of this, i may not have noticed God revealing himself to me, but i do now. I love it. Im blessed to have such amazing kids. each of them saved me in such different ways. Lexi- she saved me from myself. everyday that I am alive is because she changed me for the better. Moose--he showed me that miracles happen. When he was born a still born, and the doctor was yelling for a time of death- GOD gave him a time of birth. and his healthiness and his life are a true sign that miracles happen. Everyday I look at him, I know miracles are real. Khloe--she saved my spiritual life. she reinstalled my faith. she has shown me that things are out of my control...but they are in the lords control and thats better than what i can offer. each day i look at her, i am reminded of simple blessings. I am such a blessed woman. I have such amazing kids, the greatest husband, a wonderful family, and the most thoughtful friends, and most of all..i have a patient God, who waited for me to come back.