Countdown to Breakdown...

Dear Alexis,

       There are so many things that we take for granted in life. i think time is the biggest. people are always wishing time away. hoping the day goes a little faster. rushing the week to get to pay day. rushing a month to get to vacation. rushing the season to get different weather. rushing years to be a certain age. i am guilty of all of those. the day you were born everyone told me to enjoy every moment with you, because time would fly. i do believe that was the greatest piece of advice i ever recived. but sadly i never followed it, or belived its truth. while i did enjoy (and still do) every second spent with you, there are times i rushed you. there are times i wish i could get back to relish in the moment. to just relax and know that these moments are going to be the ones i look back on the most. Kindergarten is fastly approaching. I want to admit something to you. I am terrified.


      there are so many things we go through as parents. many emotions. many trying times. thankless moments. but this is the biggest emotion i have felt so far. trust is a very hard thing for me. i have difficult time trusting anyone outside our family. i feel like i am trusting too many new people with you. a bus driver to get you to school. to make sure you are not being picked on. trusting them to drive safe. make sure you wear your seatbelt. make sure you get off at the correct stop. i am trusting a teacher. to make sure you are learning. to make sure you are not being bullied. to make sure that you are having a good day. to make sure you arent intimidated. a lunch lady to make sure you eat. recess monitors to make sure you dont get hurt. all of this is so hard for me. but the thing thats harder than that- is admitting that you are ready for this. admitting that 5 beautiful years have passed. that you have gone from that beautiful baby to this amazing, full of life, smart, confident, little girl. a girl who is anxiously waiting for her first day of school. a girl who tells her parents shes ready to make new friends and learn new things. my baby is no longer a baby. she is growing older each day.

      i would give the world to hold you for the first time again. to see your first smile. hear your first words with your tiny little voice. smell the formula on your breath... or even walk around with spit up stains on my shirt.  i cannot figure out where 5 years went. how did we get here? i never knew letting go even the slightest bit would be so hard. so heart breaking.

     i know i still have your brother and sister here. but i cannot help but think about the loneliness my heart is going to feel. i know i am being selfish...but the truth is you are my best friend. i rely on you more than you will ever know. but i know that this is going to be a great thing for you. for both of us. because i am learning through you!

    so though i am deeply deeply upset...i wear a smile for all that is ahead. i refuse to waste anymore time thinking about being upset..but instead i will enjoy the moments. because when you are graduating and heading to college..im sure i will look back and wish you were going to kindergarten..instead of a dorm. i will wish i took time to enjoy this moment. so i promise you i will enjoy it. then cry once you leave :)

   i want you to know that YOU are an amazing girl. you are capable of anything you dream. your father and I have always tried to show you how brilliant you are. we want you to know your worth. i want you to know that while you are without a doubt a leader..there will be times where you must follow. make sure you follow the correct path. if you stray away from the right path... refocus... look to god..and get back to the path your heart leads you to. its always wise to use your head, but sometimes you must listen to your heart. your heart is where your soul lies. where YOUR truth lies.  make goals. when you reach them its super exciting. even if you think they are stupid goals..they arent. have faith.. god carries us through everything. he will never leave you.  remember dad and i are NOT behind you...we are 10 steps in front of you. we will fight the world off for you if need be. trust that you can tell us anything. while you may think you will get in trouble or hurt us... dad & i are on YOUR side. you can tell us anything, without reserve. dont ever forget who your best friend is. dont look to us for guidance...look above...look to us to hold your hand.

more than anything. please remember i love you. no matter what i am always proud of you. you are my hero.

my last and final list of things to do/remember is to ROCK KINDERGARTEN!!! go show 'em what your made of baby! let that glittery personality shine baby!!! let the world know: ALEXIS NICOLE WOODS IS HERE TO TAKE ON THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND YOU ARE GOING TO BE SOMEONE BIG!!!!!!

i love you forever sheepy!